song: What If?
(© 2026 Gudrich)
Lyrics
What if the monster awakes in my head?
As I'm crawling back
Past roads are all we have.
What if the memories scream in my brain?
As I'm fighting back
To reclaim my pain.
The trees at night hold peace and time.
The trees at night hold peace and time.
But what if the monster will eat from my hand?
And we'll walk, claw in hand,
Walk new paths and love each other!
Walk new paths and love each other!
Walk new paths and love each other!
Walk new paths and love each other!
The trees at night hold peace and time.
The trees at night hold peace and time.
Story
A song about confronting long-suppressed childhood trauma, asking “But what if a monster awakes in my head?” and subsequently realising that you can walk “claw in hand” with that monster, “walk new paths and love each other”.
I actually wrote the song to calm myself down while suffering a panic attack and I hope that it will help others dealing with trauma. It's probably the most personal song I've ever released. My own monster is made up of SA and neglect, but more than these things that happened to me, I was interested in how I dealt with it... It took me decades to realize just how profoundly these things influenced my way of being! - Xavi
Liner notes
Xavi: acoustic guitar, vocals, bass
Sunny: lead guitar, recorder, bass, backing vocals, ukulele
George Partner: ukulele
Sam Meller: additional lead vocals
Drums by Sunny
Recorded 2026 at Catfish & Crow Studios, UK
Produced by Sunny Gudrich
℗ 2026 Gudrich/Gudrich